The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
