yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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