two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
