I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
