we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
