Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
