12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
