some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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