we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
