why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
