i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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