Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
