I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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