She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
