Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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