I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
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I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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