Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
