i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
