do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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