i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
