Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
only you would photoshop your dick
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
