So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
