I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
