my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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