I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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