He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
