We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
