ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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