Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
