"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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