Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
