thus making me awesome and them whores
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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