I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
