plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
