Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
