he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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