Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
