Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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