you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So many bounce houses so little time
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
