Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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