good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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