You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
