how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
