Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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