A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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