Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
