$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
