is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
