I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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