ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
