yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
