At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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