I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
