All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
