If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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