A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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