We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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