I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
two words...techno handjob
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
