The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
