Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
