the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
